


It's Late And I Can't Help But Need You

by Superhiro



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Complete and utter dorks attempting to confess their feelings for each other, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 15:15:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14167689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Superhiro/pseuds/Superhiro
Summary: Dirk knew from past experience that it was impossible to calm down unless he found something to ground him. And luckily, there was a certain something that always did manage to bring him back down to earth.Or rather, a certainsomeone.Which is how Dirk found himself standing outside Todd’s apartment door at almost one o’clock in the morning on a Monday.In which Dirk's sleeplessness results in late night meetings, awkward confessions, cuddling and dare I say it... romance.





	It's Late And I Can't Help But Need You

**Author's Note:**

> It's finally here! My first fanfiction contribution to the Dirk Gently fandom! I'm so excited to be posting something here and this certainly won't be the last time. I've officially signed up for the Big Bang event, which means I've got a much bigger fic in the works for this fandom, but for now please accept this piece of utter fluff! This is based on the prompt “You knocked on my door at 1 in the morning, to cuddle?” from a list on tumblr that I got sent THREE times for these boys! Special thanks to the people who did that (I'll hopefully be writing a sequel to this at some point due to the kind of popular demand!), and I hope you all enjoy! <3

There were some nights when Dirk Gently simply could _not_ manage to fall asleep. His eyes were capable of slipping shut and he would try to focus on letting himself drift away to his dreams - which would either be strangely intriguing and require further deliberation in the future or would result in him waking up in a cold sweat, panting, and curling in on himself defensively – but they would never come. Dirk’s mind raced a million miles a minute, and, try as he might, he could not manage to slow it down. His thoughts were too jumbled to track, switching expeditiously among various matters such as his current case, his rather unfortunate past, and random, fleeting things like, “why exactly does _this_ look like _that_ ”.

He knew from past experience that it was impossible to calm down unless he found something to ground him. And luckily, there was a certain something that always did manage to bring him back down to earth.

Or rather, a certain _someone_.

Which is how Dirk found himself standing outside Todd’s apartment door at almost one o’clock in the morning on a Monday. He rapped on the door three times with his knuckles and tapped his foot rapidly up and down as he waited for a response. Maybe he shouldn’t have expected anything considering the hour of night, but he had a-- well, something like a hunch, that Todd would be answering the door.

As his hunches – usually - were, he was proven correct when not sixty seconds later it swung open to reveal a rumpled looking Todd. His hair was sticking up messily as if he had just woken up from sleep, but his eyes were alert. He was wearing boxers and a Mexican Funeral t-shirt that matched the one Dirk himself was wearing – the second one Todd had so very kindly gifted to him after Dirk promised him he wouldn’t let Blackwing take this one – which stirred something warm and fluttery in the depths of his stomach. There was something about matching with Todd….

“Dirk? What the hell are you doing here?” he asked, face twisting to form that very Todd expression of blatant curiosity, tentative annoyance and slight concern.

“I’m—well,” _I was feeling restless and I needed to see you and hear you in order to truly relax, and perhaps that’s weird, but maybe not as weird as the thought that if you only held me all these horrible, distracting thoughts would vanish in an instant._ “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Does this have something to do with the nightmares you’ve been having?” Todd asked, concern taking priority over annoyance in his expression. “Is that why you’re here?”

“While those are far from ideal and I would prefer not to even _think_ about them, it’s— no. It’s not that," Dirk answered, and suddenly found himself fiddling with his hands. “I was more thinking that… maybe we could… talk?”

“Talk?” Todd repeated. “That’s… that’s it?”

Dirk shifted uncomfortably. “Yes?”

Silence fell over them, Todd hesitating and considering the situation with some obvious disbelief while Dirk tried to resist the urge to run back to his apartment, yelling, _“never mind, never mind!”_ behind him. _Really,_ he had climbed through this man’s window and woken him up at preposterous hours multiple times before, why did this simple request to talk feel so much more significant and nerve-wracking?

Finally – _thankfully_ \- Todd’s expression softened, and he gave a small nod, drifting away from the door and waving Dirk in with his hand. Dirk felt the tension drain out of him and a smile was overtaking his face before he could help it.

“Do you want a coffee or something?” Todd asked, heading to the kitchen area and pulling out his old coffeemaker from its corner on the counter.

“Is tea or hot chocolate an option?” Dirk responded, following Todd inside and closing the door behind him. There was a renewed bounce in his steps as he trailed over to the couch and plopped down onto it.

Todd opened a cupboard, pulled out a red tin and waved it inquiringly in Dirk’s direction. “Hot chocolate?”

“Excellent!” Dirk exclaimed, full on grinning now as the last of his pesky nervousness evaporated.

Todd’s lips quirked up into a smile as he went about preparing the drinks and Dirk felt his heart skip a beat or two. He had to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying something stupid like, _“You should really smile more often, Todd. You have an incredibly beautiful smile”._

He tore his gaze away from his friend, trying to find something interesting about the blank spot on the wall above the television; anything to stop himself from blushing and further entertaining his bloody feelings.

“We’re still going to that museum tomorrow to check if the missing art exhibit is connected to the strange figure that keeps popping up on supermarket security cameras, right?” Todd piped up, then muttered something under his breath about how he couldn’t believe this was his life.

“I don’t think it’s a matter of _if_ , Todd, but yes, that’s the plan.” Dirk’s grin morphed into something softer and fonder. Todd taking initiative and indulging him with conversation when he needed it was a kind gesture that wasn’t lost on him.

“Mmhm, have you ever investigated any museum related incidents before?”

“ _Have I_? Todd I am _so_ glad that you asked! There was indeed an incident involving some strange goings-on at a museum in London many years ago. It wasn’t at all the typical stolen pieces stuff, but rather, something about new exhibits popping up from seemingly nowhere!”

Far too giddy about having the opportunity to share this story, Dirk launched into a thorough explanation, waving his hands around in wild gestures as he rambled on and on about the details. It was exceptionally easy to finally share one of the memories that had swarmed around in his mind unspoken for so many years. Partway through the explanation, Todd offered Dirk his hot chocolate and relaxed next to him on the couch, nodding along with Dirk’s words as he sipped at his coffee. Dirk occasionally stopped his talking abruptly to gulp down some of his drink - something that, by the look on Todd’s face, was rather amusing – before continuing right where he left off.

“—and then, Catherine popped right into the living room! Back from the dead!” Dirk exclaimed, setting aside his empty mug as he finally arrived at the climax of his tale.

“Wait,” Todd cut in, “how exactly did she manage that?”

Dirk rolled his eyes dramatically. “Honestly Todd, have you not been listening at all?”

“What? Of course I have—“

“Her husband!”

“Her—wait, what?”

“Her husband!” Dirk repeated. “As you may recall, he was acting _very_ suspiciously for the majority of this case! Well, as it turns out, he managed to fake Catherine’s death with the help of that magical emerald from the museum. Only she returned from her “death” with these supernatural powers! Which explains _a lot_ of what else had been going on during the case, as you may guess.”

Todd shook his head, eyes filled with disbelief. “I can’t believe all of these stories are real things that have actually happened to you. There really is _nothing_ we can rule out happening in the future, is there?”

Ah, and there was Dirk’s heart again. Skipping beats for ridiculous reasons he couldn’t risk admitting to.

Dirk gave a small shrug. “Well, not _really_. There doesn’t seem to be a limit to what absurdities the universe can come up with.”

“So, what impossible sounding thing do you want?” Todd asked.

Dirk’s eyes widened and suddenly his heart had gone from skipping beats to racing. “S-sorry? Impossible thing?”

“Yeah, like… what sort of case or event or whatever do you want to happen? There must be something out there you haven’t seen or experienced,” Todd explained. “I, uh, I hope. Tell me you haven’t seen aliens, Dirk.”

Dirk couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. “No, Todd, no aliens yet, or at least not in the traditional sense.”

“I don’t even want to know about the non-traditional type of alien,” Todd said, smiling despite his denial of intrigue.

“I’ll save that one for another day,” Dirk promised.

A comfortable silence fell between them, both unable to keep the sappy, contented looks off their faces as they avoided looking at each other and instead found interest in the dirty floorboards and empty mug of coffee.

“Romance,” Dirk blurted.

“What?!” Todd said, gaze darting away from his mug and over to Dirk. His unfairly beautiful blue eyes were rather hypnotic like this: so wide and curious, practically pleading for answers.

“The impossible thing I want,” Dirk clarified. “I’ve never really had any sort of romantic relationship before, and there’s a certain affection and intimacy that comes with them that I… uh, well, that I think would be lovely to have, honestly.”

Todd’s eyebrows knitted together in concern. “Dirk, that’s— you know that romance isn’t actually something that’s impossible, right? I don’t know if they… if they made you think it was in Blackwing, but you’ll find someone.”

_But what if I already found someone and the impossible thing is him loving me back?_

“Yes, of course,” Dirk said instead, avoiding eye contact as his stomach tied into knots, “you’re probably right, Todd…”

“You don’t sound too convinced.”

Dirk shrugged. “It’s been a long time. It’s a little hard for me _not_ to be rather skeptical of the notion.”

Silence stretched between them for several terrible seconds before Todd spoke back up. “Anyone would be… they’d be _lucky_ to have you, Dirk.”

Dirk’s gaze snapped back to Todd, and he suddenly felt as if he was about to go down the biggest drop on a roller coaster. There was something about the look on Todd’s face, something _so_ soft and _so_ gentle that seemed to practically be beckoning to him. His mouth fell open slightly, and his words got tangled on his tongue as they tried to escape.

“ _Me_?” he managed to squeak.

Todd’s lips twitched into a fond, little smile. It practically made Dirk _ache._ “Yeah. You’re—you’re _you_ , you know, you’re… special.”

Dirk blinked, the possible implications of those words not sinking in. At all. Todd swallowed and it was now his eyes that were keen on avoidance. There was nothing interesting in the spot Todd chose to redirect his stare; Dirk would know, he’d already inspected it. What _was_ interesting was the colour that tinged Todd’s cheeks.

“Todd?” Dirk pried. “What do you… _mean_ by that?”

“You’re sort of, uh, larger than life. Sometimes it’s hard to believe you’re actually a real person that exists and somehow pushed himself into my life. And it’s not—I’m not saying this in a bad way! It’s a compliment! You…” Todd paused, taking a careful breath to compose himself. “You’re _amazing_ , Dirk. You’ve been through so much shit and somehow still keep going. You’re smart, and persistent, and brave, and you try so hard to help everyone you can, which is—it’s _so_ noble. You’re also a really great detective, and even if you think the universe deserves all the credit for that I—I definitely don’t. You have a ridiculous amount of energy, and yeah, sometimes it’s really overwhelming, but it’s also infectious. You could make anyone around you believe in what you’re saying, and you inspire them to… to take control. And you’re… you’re so forgiving. You give second chances. You believe in people. You believe in—“ Todd cut himself off again, hesitating momentarily, but clearly not ready to give up quite yet. “You’re kind, and so… bright. God, you shine like you’re a fucking star or something. You’re just… you’re so special.”

If Dirk wasn’t speechless before, he certainly was now. He opened and closed his mouth once, twice, three times, and no words came out. How exactly was he supposed to respond to that? How did one deal with getting _complimented_ like this? No one had ever praised him so freely before, had tried so hard to be encouraging and tell him he was _worth_ something.

It was unbelievable, really, that Todd still thought himself a bad person when Dirk saw kindness shine through him with their every interaction — even if it was buried under insults and annoyance at times.

“Anyway, my point is just that—yeah, anyone would be lucky to have you,” Todd mumbled, his cheeks a more vibrant red than Dirk had ever seen them.

_Would you be, Todd?_ Danced in Dirk’s mind, bubbled in his throat, desperately tried to claw its way out – only, he couldn’t muster up the courage to voice words so bold.

The air was growing tense, and not in an altogether uncomfortable way. He couldn’t say _that_ , but he had to say _something_ because this was his chance! He might _actually_ have a chance!

He could be misreading things – he had made that mistake many, many times before – and would regret the way his heart thumped and hope stirred inside him later. However, for now, everything felt clear.  Maybe things weren’t nearly as impossible as they had seemed. Those looks, that level of care, those compliments — those sweet, _sweet_ words… Couldn’t they mean…?

“Thank you, Todd. I… No one has ever said anything like that to me before,” Dirk said, and even his own ears picked up the intense emotion in his voice. “You’re a wonderful friend and… that’s actually why I came to you. My mind can sometimes get _so_ carried away late at night and it’s honestly rather uncomfortable. I stress, and worry, and sometimes I even fear I’ll be sick. With you, I… I feel calmer. The closer I am to you, the better it all is. So I was wondering if…maybe you could hold me?”

Todd looked sharply back in his direction. “Hold you? You mean like… like, _hold_ you?”

Dirk’s face burned with shame. “Yes, in something like a cuddle. It… it would be nice, is what I was thinking.”

“Wait, this whole time you…” Todd frowned, eyes shining with something Dirk couldn’t identify. “You knocked on my door at one in the morning because you wanted to cuddle?”

“N-no! I wasn’t—I only—“ Dirk sighed, wringing his hands together and struggling for a way to crawl out of the stupid, stupid hole he’d dug himself into. “I came because I wanted to talk to you, but I suppose I was hoping all along… I was _wanting_ something more. There were obviously no guarantees! It certainly wasn’t, like, a _plan_ or—oh god, is this too weird? Shit, I shouldn’t have—“

Dirk scrambled to his feet, every part of him screaming to retreat as quickly as possible. Why had he ever thought it was a good idea coming here? It was a terrible idea! Who came to their friend’s apartment at such a ridiculous hour out of desperation to hear their voice? Nope, nope, this was it — he made to exit the area — time to escape!

Before he could make it further than a couple feet, a hand shot out and gripped tightly onto his arm, effectively stopping him in his tracks. His breath caught and he turned to find Todd, face filled with something akin to desperation that caused Dirk’s whole body to freeze.

Todd shook his head, and carefully pulled Dirk closer to him. “No, Dirk, no, you don’t—I don’t want you to leave. Please, I-I’d love to hold you. Just… let me hold you.”

“You— really?” Dirk whispered, not wanting to truly get his hopes up even as the knot in his stomach slowly started to untwist.

Todd swallowed a lump in his throat and hastily nodded. Perhaps he didn’t trust himself to speak any longer. Dirk could sympathize, he was having heaps of trouble trying to get out proper words tonight as well.

Thirty seconds of unnerving silence passed before Dirk realized that they had perhaps — _what was the expression again? Ah, right! —_ jumped the gun a bit with this whole endeavour. It was sinking in that whatever was floating around in the air between them, that overwhelming spark of undeniable connection, was mutual, but neither of them was gallant enough to take that first, crucial step in initiating this sort of physical contact.

Until, finally, Todd did, keeping his grip on Dirk’s arm and pulling him back towards the couch. Dirk followed without complaint, sinking down on the cushions next to Todd and allowing himself to be brought closer. They stretched their legs so they were splayed across it, lying down in a horizontal position and tangling together in a rather comfortable way. Dirk shuffled closer to the back of the couch so he wasn’t fully spread on top of his friend and wound his arms around Todd’s waist, resulting in Todd wrapping his snugly around Dirk. Safely enclosed, it didn’t take more than a few seconds for the tension to drain out of Dirk and for him to fully relax into the embrace; it felt even more natural than he would have expected.

Dirk slowly smiled, and let his eyes fall shut as he breathed in Todd’s scent and took in the moment while he could. Although this certainly didn’t feel anything close to platonic, there was always a slim chance that come morning it could all fade away.

Or so he thought, until all those paranoid assessments went shooting from his mind as Todd started running gentle fingers through his hair. That was _undoubtedly_ veering on romantic, and Dirk would gladly take every second of the blessed sensation in. He let out a pleased little hum and felt Todd’s chest shake with quiet laughter.

“Is this… good?” Todd asked hesitantly.

“Mmm, amazing,” Dirk murmured. “You’re quite comfy.”

Following his words, the air between them fell pleasantly silent, and Dirk was free to focus solely on Todd’s breathing as his mind was miraculously clearing of all unwanted thoughts. He could stay like this forever, if the universe were to allow him such alleviation. Much longer and he would drift into the unconscious state he had been previously craving. Unfortunate, truthfully, as now he was deliberating whether he could stay awake the whole night.

He peacefully lost track of time until Todd’s words penetrated the quiet apartment once again.

“Dirk?” he called softly.

Feeling that Todd was seeking his full attention, Dirk’s eyes fluttered open and he adjusted himself so he was sitting up a little, using the elbows propped on Todd’s chest for a boost. Looking at Todd, so damn close and so terribly tranquil, those _mesmerizing_ eyes piercing into him… It was like staring at one of those masterpieces at the museums that went unnoticed by some, but that others could stop by and gawk at for hours on end. He would definitely be a part of the latter group in this case, even though grand pieces of art had never really been his thing.

“Yes?” Dirk answered.

Todd swallowed, clearly struggling with his next words. “I… I’d be lucky to have you too, you know. Very lucky. I-If you’d want me too, obviously!” He shook his head and smiled bitterly. “I wouldn’t even deserve it, and maybe this is all just stupid ‘cause I could just end up hurting you like—“

“Todd.”

“Y-Yeah?”

Dirk cupped Todd’s cheek with his hand and his own smile grew even fonder as he squealed internally. “Don’t be ridiculous. If anything, I’m the one undeserving of you. You’re… you’re _perfect_.”

Todd’s whole expression relaxed and his eyes practically sparkled with gratitude and disbelief. “I'm— I’m not. If either of us is perfect, it’s you.”

Dirk’s cheeks went pink. “I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.”

“Guess so.”

When Dirk leaned closer, letting his eyes fall shut in the process, Todd instantly mirrored the gesture, meeting him in the middle. Their lips bumped softly together before fully connecting and overwhelming Dirk with a rush of total elation. The kiss was slow and gentle, and easier to follow along with than he had anticipated. His mouth opened up to Todd’s and it gradually deepened, Dirk letting out a very pleased sound at the tentative introduction of Todd’s tongue.

The kiss didn’t get too intense, instead remaining a rather gentle, tender thing until they became breathless and were forced to pull apart. They pressed their foreheads together and peeked at each other through their eyelashes, giggling faintly as they lost themselves in the stare.

“Todd, I’m—“ Dirk bit his tongue, stopping the words before they could cheerfully rush out of him and potentially ruin everything.

Todd frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Dirk rapidly shook his head, bright smile returning full force. “Nothing, absolutely nothing is wrong! It’s all amazing, in fact! We should keep doing this kissing thing! All the time! And only with each other, obviously! We should have… exclusive kissing privileges.”

Todd laughed softly. “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend, Dirk?”

“Well— perhaps? Yes? If that’s something you would be interested in? There’s no pressure, I was only thinking that—“

His rambling words were cut off as Todd’s lips met his for the second time. This kiss was shorter, no more than a simple peck, but it left Dirk pleasantly stunned nonetheless.

“So…” Dirk mumbled. “You’re…?”

“I’m interested. Obviously. C’mon, Dirk, I’m—“ Todd shrugged, smiling in a way that was almost shy. “I’m crazy about you.”

Dirk’s heart skipped another beat, and his chest felt full, like he was about to actually burst from happiness. Perhaps confessing that he was very much in love with Todd wouldn’t be such a crazy thing, but saving those words seemed like the wiser option – and it would be a nice change to choose such an option for once.

Maybe he didn’t even need to say them. The way Todd’s expression grew warmer as he observed Dirk suggested that the words may have been written all over his face.

“You know, this couch is _really_ uncomfortable…” Todd said.

Dirk tilted his head in confusion. “I don’t have much of a problem with it. Perhaps it’s a little bit hard, but—“

“Dirk, I’m trying to—“ Todd sighed, nervousness flashing across his features. “Do you want to come to bed with me?”

“Oh, uhm, yes! Brilliant idea, Todd!” Dirk exclaimed, shifting to his knees so he was no longer on top of him. “But cuddling better be implemented there too!”

Todd rolled his eyes, and somehow even _that_ managed to hold affection. “You’re never going to stop cuddling me now, are you?”

Dirk took Todd’s hand, pulled him to his feet and guided them towards the bed nestled in the corner of the apartment. “Never. Hope you don’t mind.”

Todd didn’t offer any sort of response to his words, instead opting to settle onto the mattress’s pile of fluffy blankets with Dirk. They crawled underneath them together, and with no discussion of the subject, Todd became the “big spoon”, holding Dirk tightly and tenderly from behind. Dirk sighed contentedly, eyes falling shut unwittingly as he nuzzled back against him.

That effortless gesture was the only answer Dirk needed. He was never the best at reading things, but he couldn’t miss the incontrovertible “ _I don’t mind at all”_ in the way Todd had protectively locked him in his grip.

The universe took pity on Dirk as he fell into the best night’s sleep he’d had in years.

  



End file.
